Two and a Half Men

Episode 1Pilot

23 min

Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

Episode 2Big Flappy Bastards

21 min

Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

Episode 3Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

21 min

Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

Episode 4If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

21 min

Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

Episode 5The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump

19 min

Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

Episode 6Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

21 min

The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

Episode 7If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

21 min

Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

Episode 8Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

19 min

Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

Episode 9Phase One, Complete

21 min

Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

Episode 10Merry Thanksgiving

21 min

Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

Episode 11Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

20 min

When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

Episode 12Camel Filters and Pheromones

21 min

Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

Episode 13Sarah Like Puny Alan

20 min

Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

Episode 14I Can't Afford Hyenas

21 min

Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

Episode 15Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

21 min

Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

Episode 16That Was Saliva, Alan

21 min

Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

Episode 17Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

20 min

Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

Episode 18An Old Flame with a New Wick

21 min

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

Episode 19I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

19 min

Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

Episode 20Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

21 min

Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

Episode 21No Sniffing, No Wowing

21 min

Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.

Episode 22My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

21 min

When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.

Episode 23Just Like Buffalo

21 min

When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

Episode 24Can You Feel My Finger?

21 min

Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.